Let us be real. There is nothing as challenging as starting over something new. I mean, starting a business, a new life, involving new people in our lives, or doing something that nobody has ever done. It’s always a hustle at first.
A good example is after a break up. We always want to go back to our “Xs” (I call them Xs because that is how we refer to them) since you already have an attachment to this person, and so, you find it exasperating (for lack of a better word) to start over again.
Or let us say you had this job, but all of a sudden, you receive a letter next morning on your office desk. And boom, all the questions of how you are going to pay your bills, the amount of money you have in your account, and how you intend to get a new job begin to clog your mind.
You know what, I understand. Everyone has been there once in their life. Moreover, if it is your first time, well, there is always a first time. So, relax.
What do people resolve to after a break down?
Most people can become seriously hurt by a situation and end up falling into depression. Instead of finding someone to share our problems, we clog everything in our system, and guess what; your body begins to overwork.
As a result, you end up withdrawing, spending time with yourself, giving yourself endless and unhelpful advice and theories that does not really help.
At the worst, some people end up killing themselves.
Before I provide solutions, let me share something about successful people
Pick that one person that you admire so much. They are really good at the what they do, right? Whatever you admire so much about them, here is something you do not about them: they were once at a low point in their life.
At that point of breakdown is when they made a decision that would change their entire life.
I normally watch interviews on the internet, and surprisingly enough, you will only hear these successful personalities share their story of how ashamed they were, how rejected they felt, how much money they lost, how much depressed they had been, and so forth.
The truth is, you can also be successful.
Most affected individuals, especially ladies who fall into the hands of a toxic relationship, find it difficult to come out of their trap. However, that should never bother you because for everything there is a solution. God gave us authority over everything, which means that you have the power to overcome any hurdle that presents itself to you.
Are you encouraged, already?
I thought long and hard before writing this article. So, after seeing several videos of people throwing themselves off a building, I thought, maen, I think someone needs to talk about it; at least, I could save a soul or two.
To say the truth, I have had to start over so many times in my life. From losing both parents, to rejection, to failing businesses and ideas, to being broke, to losing friends and relatives. All those situations presented an awesome opportunity to start again.
I call them awesome because of the fruits that came out of those situations. Nonetheless, when it was time to get to work and start over, it was not that easy but I am happy that I started living once again.
What are some of the principles that I had to apply? May be you could use them too.
1. Drop everything that you no longer need, I mean everything
I love that verse in the Bible that says, “No man putteth new wine in old wineskin.” You need to get yourself a new wineskin; otherwise, you will end up losing the awesome taste that comes with fresh wine.
Start by changing your thought patterns. We can all agree that thoughts come as seeds. You begin to think about it from a small thought then it develops and it becomes an established pattern or habit over time.
If you want to know more about thoughts, read the following post, I wrote a year ago.
Put away old ways, habits, and even if you have to go to rehab, take that chance. Otherwise, do you know what will happen? You will end up in the same trap over time. That is what we do not want.
Therefore, you have to eliminate junk and think of new ways of dealing with that issue.
2. Be courageous
We know that every person who has been through a difficult situation will tell you, “Be a man and move on, ““suck it up, boy”, “Men do not cry”, you know all those phrases old folks keep repeating.
However, they dealt with a situation but they dealt with it from their point of view. It is not wrong to say that, by the way (before you crucify me). However, you have to tell me why you had to say that. Sit down with me and give me a good explanation why I need to be a man, and so forth.
Being courageous is simply accepting, “You know what, I am weak, and I need help.” From then on, I am sure that you will be able to deal with the problem from its roots.
Admit that you need help and swear that you will never find yourself in that situation again. To me, that is the best definition of courage. Being true to you really does help.
3. Change of lifestyle
Most people die here. It is easy to list down some of the things you need to change, but it is a task to keep at them because they involve your will.
Throw away toxic relationships and habits. You are working towards becoming a new person. Write down some of the things you need to achieve.
For instance, if you lost your job, think about some of the things you can do to make yourself better so that when you get a new job you will be so ready to start immediately regardless of the pay. Yes, regardless of how much you will be receiving. Make sure you are the best employee.
Do not be scared in case you fall. It is a normal part of your journey.
4. Give yourself time
I love jazz music. Men, it is like soul food. However, I came to understand that the “best of the best” jazz musicians are in their 50s.
By the way, I also want to be a billionaire when I grow up. I also noted that most billionaires look like they know what failure and success is. They are old, successful people.
All I am trying to see is you have to give yourself time. It does not matter how much it will take to get a comeback, but the truth is, you will get up again.
Give yourself a timeframe but do not be too serious on it. Practice patience, you may need it later in your life.
5. Watch what you feed on
In other words, invest in good content, books, pray, healthy social media practices, friendships, character, and most of all, love you.
One time I was going through something difficult. To cut the story short, I thought of killing myself. A year later, I told my friend about it, and guess what they said, “Brian, I agree, that you are insecure; however, the way you admire yourself, you can never commit suicide.”
It was funny and I laughed. But isn’t it just fun loving yourself? Do not be too hard on yourself just love YOU. Do what it takes to show yourself some self-love. Take yourself for a movie, date yourself, cook something special for yourself, join a sports team, and go to the gym.
Nothing that you learn in that season will go to waste.
Watch out on criticism. You have to allow the right people to criticize you. Some people, when given a chance, take that opportunity to kill that little hope that you have for yourself. Take criticism positively and from the right people.
By the way, the best criticisers are those that have gone through a situation like yours. It is easy to resonate with them, which is what you will need for the journey that is ahead of you.